Teacup Chihuahuas and Ugg Boots.

Women are all about accessories. The little black dress has become a staple in a modern gal's wardrobe simply because you can accessorize the hell outta it and have twenty different outfits at once. I have some friends that can merchandise a white t-shirt into a haute couture ensemble with a simple necklace and a wide belt (I think I still have one of your necklaces, Miss Spencer). Of course, some modern gals have fallen prey to the trends when it comes to purchasing those must-have accessories. Here is where I step on some toes...

First of all, no. Not at all. Never. Animals ARE NOT accessories. This means YOU, Paris Hilton. You seem to be a repeat offender. There is nothing chic about a yappy, 8oz. teacup Yorkie-Poo making icky-poo inside the fine leather of your Louis Vuitton. I love animals, I really do. I love them enough to know that they are not happy wearing pink jackets, or rhinestone tiaras, or being carted around to the local nail salon for your fill while they sit in your Coach satchel. They like balls. They like running around. They like humping my dad's leg at Christmas like my sister's dearly departed Tyler did. Get it straight.

Second of all, the aptly named Ugg Boot. Here is my jealousy showing...just a teensy bit. This is a darn comfy piece of footwear and anyone who denies that has never had their little footsie in one. They are great in winter, with leggings and matching sweater. This is where the trend line is drawn. Since when did young ladies start thinking, in the middle of summer while donning tank tops and shorts, that "Gee gosh! My feet are FREEZING!!!" Really? These are boots. Furry boots. Not meant for shorts or 4-inch skirts. You look like an ass and again, this means YOU, Paris. Would I ever wear them with shorts? No. For two simple reasons:
1. I tend to wear flip-flops or sandals with my shorts so as not to have people question my intellect.
2. I have 15-inch calves. Enough said.

Now...on to the accessory that the universal Figure Competitor yearns for. She needs it to complete her look and bring it all together. Without it, she is just another fit female with an awesome tan. I am talking about...

SHOULDERS! They need to be full, rounded and wide. They are the beautiful basis for the Figure physique and they are the necessary accessory that is going to set you apart from the other girls when you are on stage. They are going to set ME apart from the other competitors on stage. Now...where can I find some?

So, like a character right out of a J.R.R. Tolkien novel, I am on a quest. I am going to search high and low (volume, of course!), near and far to find and develop my perfect accessory. It cannot be bought and it will not be easy but I will have my two glorious turtle-shells resting on my arms come September. I have some killer workouts (going for those "Mountain Dog Shoulders", Colton) and some killer determination. Will it be the TRX band or dumbbells that get me my delightful delts? I do not know this yet but I am going to find them. At least, and I am thankful, this accessory will not crap in my gym bag. ;)

     "Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try."